How to Tell Your Employer About Your Anxiety

In my counselling room, the fear is almost always the same: if my employer knows I have anxiety, will they doubt whether I can do the job? It is a completely understandable worry. But telling your employer does not have to be a negative moment. Done well, it is simply making them aware of something, and often the response is the opposite of what you feared: your manager asks how they can support you, and the working relationship stays strong.

The most common mistake: telling them too much

The single biggest thing I see people get wrong is over-explaining. They give far more information than the situation needs, usually because they are anxious and trying to justify themselves. The fix is not to say more, it is to understand your own anxiety first. When you genuinely understand how your anxiety works, what sets it off, and how you cope with it, you can speak about it calmly and briefly. You are not confessing a problem; you are describing something you already have a handle on. That confidence changes the whole conversation.

Take a teacher, as an example

Picture a teacher who is genuinely excellent with the children, but whose anxiety flares around the other adults: parents, colleagues, staff. Someone in that position can spend enormous energy trying to hide it, worried that if their employer noticed, it might count against them when contracts come up for renewal.

The way through is usually not to rush toward a disclosure conversation. It is to understand the anxiety first, where it comes from and what sets it off, and to build coping strategies for those specific situations. Once the anxiety is understood and there are tools that genuinely work, the fear of being found out loses most of its power, and good work carries on uninterrupted. That is the pattern I see again and again: the understanding and the skills come first, and the conversation, if it happens at all, becomes far easier.

So should you tell them at all?

This is genuinely individual, and it depends on your circumstances. I lean toward saying something when the anxiety is causing you real distress at work and there are specific ways your employer could support you that would make a meaningful difference. But if you would rather keep it private and work on it in counselling, and that is what would give you more confidence, that is completely valid too. There is no single right answer, only the one that fits you. (For your specific rights and obligations in Australia, the Fair Work Ombudsman or a community legal service can advise.)

How to open the conversation

If you do decide to talk to your employer, here is how I coach people through it:

• Start with your HR policies. See what your employer already offers. Many have open-door or support processes in place, and it helps to know what is available before you go in.
• Book a proper meeting, and name the intention. Let the person know roughly what the meeting is about, so it is not a surprise and you are both prepared.
• Use plain, direct words. What you are struggling with, what it looks like in the workplace, how you are working on it and coping, and then whether they can support you in any way. That last part matters, because it invites them to help rather than just hearing a problem.

A couple of things tend to backfire. Blaming the job role rarely lands well; employers hear it as "this role is the problem," and essentially you did sign up for it. Blaming other people, without offering any constructive way forward, has the same effect. Keep it about you, what you are experiencing, and what would help.

Honest, without the overshare

This is where a lot of people tie themselves in knots. You can be completely honest by naming the theme, anxiety, stress, or worry, without going into what is causing it or the long history you have with it. That detail is not necessary, and sharing it is usually an overshare. Let your employer know the overarching challenge, and keep the rest for your counselling room. You protect your privacy and stay truthful at the same time.

What actually helps at work

When I ask clients what made the biggest difference after they spoke up, it is rarely a dramatic adjustment. More often it is simply awareness. Just knowing that their employer understands what they are working to overcome each day takes an enormous amount of pressure off. From there, small specific things help: an understanding, for example, that you might not speak up as much in meetings. That does not mean you lack good ideas or cannot do the job well; it is just what anxiety can look like in the moment, and a manager who knows that reads you differently.

If the conversation itself feels impossible

Some people are held back less by the anxiety itself and more by the anxiety about having the conversation, the worry stacked on top of the worry. If that is you, the first thing I would say is that there is no rush. We do not have to force a timeline. In counselling we work on the conversation itself: we roleplay it, we map out the different ways it could go, and we prepare for each of them, so that when you decide the time is right, you feel genuinely ready rather than thrown in.

Before you hand in your resignation

If there is one thing I want you to take from this, it is this: if you are starting to notice your anxiety affecting your job, please consider counselling and building some skills before you resign or quit. I feel strongly about it, because I see too many people walk away from jobs they genuinely love without ever trying counselling first, and that is such a loss. There is usually a great deal we can do before resigning becomes the only option left, and your employer very likely does want to support you.

The goal is not just to survive the conversation. It is to actually overcome the anxiety, so you can keep doing the work you are passionate about and grow, and so you do not carry the same worries into your next role.

If work has been weighing on you, you can read about individual counselling in Doncaster or book a free 15-minute call, in person or online across Australia. We can work out what is right for you, at your pace.